• Nine: “I’ve decided to wear the clothing of my sixth incarnation. It’s almost as flamboyant as me. Oh but, I’ll add on a scarf and bow tie. By the way, I hate you, Rose Tyler. Rickey Smith, will you marry me?”
• Ten: “Rose Tyler? Who’s Roes Tylah? I don’t care about her. That’s the blessing of the Time Lords. I’m off to openly declare my love and devotion to the Master. Also, I’ve decided that I hate people who babble too much. Also, I’ve never kissed a blonde. Also, I love pears. Also, I want to go.”
• Eleven: “I wear birthday suits now. Birthday suits are cool. After the experience at Rory’s party, I’ve decided to become a professional stripper. But I have the right to sometimes use a fez to cover up my, err, banana.”
• Human!10: “I dumped Rose, and am totally gay in Pete’s world for a guy named Sohn Jimm. Sometimes I cheat on him with Satt Mith and Bohn Jarrowman.”
• Rose: “A 900+year-alien? Why would I be attracted to one of those? I’m only nineteen, and I love working at a shop and snogging my big brave black boyfriend Mickey. I also am totally sober right now.”
• Jackie: “I’m in my badger costume. There’s a strange man in my bedroom, and I’m in my badger costume. So, nothing could happen.”
• Jack: “I’m a flaming heterosexual. And ladies and gentleman, don’t bother flirting with me. I wear a chastity belt.”
• Martha: “Ew, Doctor. Don’t you genetic transfer me!”
• Donna: “Oi, condom-man! You just want to mate?! Okay! Better you that that gross Captain Jack. I’ll gladly listen to everything you say, without argument. I aint even bovvered. I’m a motherfuckin brilliant temp from Chiwseck, motherfucker.”
• Wilfred: “The Doctor invited me to travel with him forever, along with the Cactuses. Or was it Catci? I love being racist.”
  
• The Master: “I have no love for the Doctor in either of my hearts. And after I tell him that I’m leaving his life for all Time, I plan to audition for the role of a new Teletubbie. He’s pink, and named Knock-Knock-Knock-Knocky.”
• Little Amelia: “Dear Voldemort, there’s a crack in my wall. I’ve heard that you created one on Harry Potter’s forehead. Care to make mine even bigger?”
• Amy Pond: **American accent in monotone voice**
• River: “Listen up: Detaiiiiiiils.”
• The TARDIS: “I hate the Doctor. Vworp. Vworp. Prowv. Prowv.”
• The Daleks: “FORNICATE! FORNICATE!”
• Show Theme Song: “laaaaaaaa la la la la la laaaaa! Time and Space! Time and Space! Every companion’s looking forward to the TARDIS. Run Run Run Run Run. Which year should I take?”
• The Ood: “The Doctor and the Master will cock four times.”
• Murray Gold: “I’m leaving the show. Silence will fall.”
• Stephen Moffat: “We’re doing a musical porno episode…with puppets! All the living previous Doctors will return, Morgan Freeman will narrate and Captain Jack will be a backup dancer. Oh, and it’s in 4-D. Eleven’s forehead is an extra dimension.”