Moffat:: Well, let’s see. Who’s on Eleven, River’s a Pond, I don’t know who’s Twelve.
Costello: That’s what I want to find out.
Moffat: I say Who’s on Eleven, River’s a Pond, I don’t know who’s Twelve.
Costello: Are you in charge?
Moffat: Yes.
Costello: And you don’t know anything.
Moffat: Well I should.
Costello: Well then who’s on eleven?
Moffat: Yes.
Costello: I mean the fellow’s name.
Moffat: Doctor.
Costello: The guy on first.
Moffat: That was Hartnell.
Costello: The first?
Moffat: Yes.
Costello: The guy playing…
Moffat: Playing on Who?
Costello: I’m asking you who’s on first.
Moffat: No, we’re on Eleven now.
Costello: That’s who’s name?

Moffat: The Doctor.
Costello: But, what’s his name?
Moffat: That’s it.
Costello: That’s who?
Moffat: Yes, that’s the show.
Costello: Look, you got a guy on first?
Moffat: Nope, they couldn’t show heterosexual love scenes back then.
Costello: Who’s playing first?
Moffat: Well, we’re on Eleven now.
Costello: All I’m trying to find out is the fellow’s name on first base.
Moffat: Oh, well he’s gotten way past first base. He’s had grandchildren.
Costello:Who?
Moffat: The Doctor.
Costello: Doctor who?
Moffat: Exactly!
Costello: Exactly…WHAT?!
Moffat: No, it’s Who.
Costello: All I’m trying to find out is what’s the guy’s name on first base.
Moffat: Well, he’s been to at least third.
Costello: I’m not asking you who’s on third.
Moffat: Who’s on Eleven.
Costello: I don’t care about eleven! Don’t go skipping ten.
Moffat: Ten’s over.
Costello: Over where?
Moffat: He’s Eleven now.
Costello: I’m only asking you, who’s the guy on first?
Moffat: That was Hartnell.
Costello: Okay. I’m done with this.
Moffat: Alright.
Costello: Well then it’s settled.
Moffat: Yup.
Costello: Hey, You should listen to this great song.
Moffat: Listen?! I created her.
Costello: Who?
Moffat: Nope, that was in 1963. I only produce and write it.
Costello: Who’s it?
Moffat: You mean Eleven?
Costello: Now how did we get to eleven?
Moffat: Ten died.
Costello: There’s no ten?
Moffat: Not any more.
Costello: Okay, let me try something else: who’s on eleven?
Moffat: That’s right.
Costello: Who’s playing eleven?
Moffat: Well, River’s been playing him, and spoilers: she’ll be on top of him.
Costello: On who?
Moffat: Yup.
Costello: Who’s on top of what?!
Moffat: I think River’s probably a top.
Costello: There’s a river on the field?
Moffat: Oh, she plays the field alright.
Costello: A river?
Moffat: Yes. A Pond.
Costello: There’s a pond too?
Moffat: Three. Three Ponds.
Costello: How can you deal with three ponds right in the middle of a game?
Moffat: Well, it’s a show.
Costello: What show?
Moffat: Mine.
Costello: Okay, well back to the field. You’re okay with there being three ponds?
Moffat: Well, the Doctor sure played with Rose.
Costello: There’s a flower, too?
Moffat: Oh well, you’ll have to ask Russell or David, but yes, I imagine he popped hers.
Costello: Who?
Moffat: Ten.
Costello: So someone is on ten?
Moffat: Yes, Rose probably hit that.
Costello: Hit what? A home run?
Moffat: There was an awful lot of running to do.
Costello: Who ran?
Moffat: Twenty-Six seasons, originally.
Costello: Who?
Moffat: Yes.
Costello: Okay, why don’t you tell me this: do you know who’s playing for the other team?
Moffat: Well, Jack plays all teams.
Costello: You mean: Jack shit?
Moffat: Everybody shits.
Costello: Wait, what?!
Moffat: Now you sound like Ten.
Costello: Ten who?
Moffat: Tennant.
Costello: An ant’s playing on ten?
Moffat: Hmm, maybe one did. After the bees started disappearing.
Costello: There’s a B-team?
Moffat: Not sure. Ask Russell.
Costello: Russell who?
Moffat: Yup, the one who worked on Who.
Costello: That’s what I’m asking you.
Moffat: I don’t know. Want to guess who’ll play Twelve?
Costello: I don’t even know who’s one through eleven!
Moffat: Hartnell, Troughton, Pertwee, Baker, Davison, Baker -
Costello: Two bakers? What do you need bakers for? 
Moffat: I didn’t cast them, but they were great for Who.
Costello: I don’t know - who?
Moffat: Yup.
Costello: Ya know, when it comes to confusing me, you’re quite the master.
Moffat: Oh, the latest Master was Simm.
Costello: I thought that was easy – the Sims. Don’t children play?
Moffat: Yes, it’s a show for both adults and kids.
Costello: What show?!
Moffat: My show, Who.
Costello: Just tell me who already!
Moffat: It’s not something you tell, it’s something you watch.
Costello: Oy, you’re hurting my head. I think I need a doctor.
Moffat: Exactly.